-Shimmy Shake and Lighthoof SwimSuit! - mini story by Colonist!- *Back along the beach - and you’re going to spend your of your weekend days touching some grass (errr, sand) with another gamer that you’ve got acquainted with in recent months. Who ever this “DPPYDrOpSyOu” was, you’re looking forward to meeting them. This player’s style and tactics seemed to reflect yours to a T no matter the genre: FPS shooters, MMORPGs, even the initial choices in FMV games! You look back on your phone at the PMs that you exchanged with this kindred player.* MCTehMainGuy (You): You pick the shotgun whenever I pick the designated marksman’s rifle? DPPYDrOpSyOu (???): Of course! If we’re going to pair up, you’re going to need some close range support to pick off anyone past your peripheral vision while you take care of the middle/long range needs. MCTehMainGuy: Most people thinking of that would use an SMG: a lot more forgiving to use. DPPYDrOpSyOu: Naaah, one shell, one kill - that’s me! MCTehMainGuy: Well, our teams K/D ratio certainly speaks to your results! DPPYDrOpSyOu: On a different note, weren’t you the same guy that I matched up to in the other MMORPG game? MCTehMainGuy: Crazy coincidence. Three different games over the span of a week? DPPYDrOpSyOu: If the lobbies match us together within seconds of each other, then we much be located relatively close in real life! Canterlot City? MCTehMainGuy: Yeah! DPPYDrOpSyOu: You know, buddy, I think that even serious gamers like us need to get out more. MCTehMainGuy: You talking about me? DPPYDrOpSyOu: All of us in general - how about we make a compromise option? You’re local, I’m local, how about we meet up sometime? What are you doing this Saturday? MCTehMainGuy: …gaming? DPPYDrOpSyOu: Great, ‘cause I would’ve been too if I hadn’t just suggested meeting up. Let’s go to the beach, grab a smoothie, watch the gals on the beach…maybe attend to some business. MCTehMainGuy: I’m good with the first three activities, but what sort of business are you talking about at the end of that list? DPPYDrOpSyOu: Nothing major - it’s just something that’s a local errand that I might as well get out of the way. See you at the boardwalk say noonish? MCTehMainGuy: Sounds fine. We’ll identify each other via verbal gamertag, right? DPPYDrOpSyOu: Sure. Later then! *Sounds polite enough. You check the time, and it’s now 1205. Must be a fashionably late sort of person then -* ???: MCTehMainGuy? *You turn around to face the strangely familiar voice that just addressed you. Your face drops when you match the familiar voice to an equally familiar face.* You: You’re DPPYDrOpSyOu!??Doppy: Hahaha, haven’t you tried pronouncing my gamertag before just now? You: What the hell do you want!? Doppy: Relax, relax, Main Guy. I’m not here to drop you. You know, when I looked to see who I was meeting, I was just as surprised as you were! Then again, I wouldn’t pick a name with such generic undertones such as yours. You: Well, still. My question remains. Doppy: Can’t two gamers in the same city just hang out and touch some sand? C’mon, Main Guy. I’d like to know more about you and that group of gals that are always dragging you along. Let’s get to know each other! You: Don’t you already know me? Doppy: Maybe, but I like hearing your versions for kicks. Besides, wouldn’t you like to know what I know about the Shadowbolts? You may be surprised. *Whelp, you certainly can’t say “no” to some intel on the Crystal Prep gals. Beneath their elite veneer, some of them can be quite personable. Besides, you’re morbidly curious to see how Doppy conducts himself on a personal day off.* You: Fine, but you’re buying. You mentioned picking up a smoothie? Doppy: Yup! The owner even makes it a smoothie n’ alcohol for me! *The two of you hit up the smoothie stall. The worker gives Doppy a knowing nod and begins to make the drink of choice without exchanging any words. It looks like a Piña Colada of sorts…oh yep, that looks like rum being added from the worker’s flask.* Doppy: Make another one for my brother here, Mr. Stalk! Celery: Oh certainly, sir! It’s nice to meet you, Mister…? You: Uh…don’t worry about it. Doppy: Haha, so modest. That’s my fraternal twin brother for you, huh? You: (whispering) Wouldn’t identical twin be more accurate? Doppy: I don’t want to strip down to prove or disprove that. Besides, one of us has got to be the accident: obviously that would be you. Clearly I’m the most successful and handsome out of us! You: The accident would be whoever came out second! Doppy: There’s no way to find out which one was which. Here, take your Piña Colada, and let’s hit up some beach gals and ask them who they’d think is the accident! *Doppy hold up both drinks, motioning for you to pick. Interesting. You’ve found yourself doing the same thing when getting drinks for another person: you let the other person pick while you drink the other choice to show that neither one was tampered with. You pick the one in his l eft hand, and you take a sip. Yep, looks like the worker had some legit rum on him.* Doppy: Before you ask, he owed me a major favor. I hooked him up with that Alizarin girl that he was crushing on in my class. He’s quite the chemist…brewer…you know that Lemon’s sensitive right behind her ears? Is the pink-haired spaz in your group the same way? You: How am I supposed to know that!? Doppy: Whelp, so much for comparing notes. I was hoping that there would be some sort of analog between my group and your group, personalities notwithstanding. Oh well, time to take care of some business. Behind here! *You follow Doppy beneath the boardwalk and behind the pillars. He surveys a couple of girls who are splashing around in the surf. Much to your surprise, you also recognize them.* You: Why are we hiding from those girls? Doppy: Well, because they’d recognize you. Ergo, they’d recognize me too. You: Wait, how did you know that they - wait a minute, were you the one who set me up on that blind date last month!? Doppy: Hey, I thought I was doing you a favor setting you up with two hot cheerleaders! You: They dine n’ dashed! They left me with the bill for the steak dinners! Doppy: Okay, that one was on me. Shimmy told me to let you know that she and Lighthoof forgot their wallets at home, but I forgot to relay that message to you. Whoopsie! You: I’m supposed to believe you? Doppy: They’re airheads, Main Guy, not evil. But if you wanna make things even, that’s why I’m here! You: Why? Doppy: You know me - in it for the fun of it! If you’re the good boy I think you are, you’ll follow my lead. You in? *You shrug. Fine. You’re already involved this much with Doppy. Might as well make this day worth it. He steps out from behind the pillar, nods at you to follow his lead, and approaches the two girls.* Doppy: Ladies, hey! You remember my brother here? Shimmy: O…M…you know, like…G! You’re - um… Lighthoof: That guy. Yeah, totally that guy! You: So, I suppose a second date was out of the question, huh? Shimmy: No, not at all, you know! That was totally, like, on me. The beach is free though! No chance of being caught with the bill this time! Lighthoof: Oh yeah, and we could even turn it into a double date! Your brother here’s just as handsome as you are. Doppy: Yeah, I’m not convinced. Funny, he and I were discussing this earlier. Would you ladies care to decide? Shimmy: I dunno…there’s only so much physique that I can see from here. Lighthoof: Totally. We’d need a little more skin to see any differences. Doppy: You heard the lady. Bare the abs! You: What!? Doppy: I thought you’d only start protesting once I suggesting dropping the trunks. You: You were going to suggest that!? Doppy: We could just declare me the more handsome victor by forfeit… Lighthoof: Like, it’s just like, you know, skin, you know? Nothing to be ashamed about! Shimmy: Like gosh, yeah, you know. “Handsome” is still up in the air, but you’re definitely more uptight than your brother, and that puts you a little behind him already! You: What, come on now! Lighthoof: If it makes you feel better, how about we girls match you guys in your little comparison game: a strip for a strip? Doppy: Hohoho, works for me! *It also works for you too! You and Doppy go shirtless, and the cheerleader duo until their tops. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Shimmy take off her wet t-shirt in the bargain. Thank goodness the four of you retreated back under the boardwalk out of public view when you did this.* Shimmy and Lighthoof: Nice abs! You and Doppy: Nice tits! Lighthoof: It’s, like, still too close to call. Shimmy: Totally! Think they have the same workout? Doppy: I certainly work out my lower section more than this guy if you know what I mean! You: You braggart! You lie! Lighthoof: Hmm, hmm, only one way to find out! *Unbelievable. If someone had told you that you were going to be be dropping your drawers in tandem with another gamer who happened to be your doppelgänger on a beach to impress women, you would’ve called them crazy. Yet here you were, doing exactly just that. You reflexively look over at Doppy to see him already looking over at you.* You: Dude, don’t make this any more awkward than it already is. Doppy: Hey, it’s nothing that I wouldn’t have already known about already. Nice package, btw. You: S-sure. Shimmy: Like, totally agree! Lighthoof: Oh yeah! *The duo stick to their word all right, and they step out of their bikini bottoms to join you guys in the nude.* You: You ladies have no idea how much I wished the cheerleaders at my school would be this forthcoming! Doppy: Don’t let your gal pals hear you say that. So ladies, which one of us wins the handsome title? Shimmy: Hmm, this is, like, too close to call. Lighthoof: I’d need a quick mini to think it over. Doppy: While you’re thinking that over, would it be okay if I confided with my other self in deciding which one of you ladies we’d pick amongst ourselves? Lighthoof: Oh no, not at all! Totally go for it! *Doppy pulls you over back behind the pillar for a quick huddle. This must be the “business” part of his plan. Time to hear it.* Doppy: Okay, so the one with more air-headed accent… You: Which one? They both speak that way! Doppy: The “OMG” one! I’ve never heard anyone stretch it out with as much air-headed vernacular like she did! My gosh, I thought I heard my ears bleed! Anyway, I’ll distract them while you… *You sneak behind the other pillars to flank the girls while Doppy leaves his cover to engage them.* Doppy: Well ladies, Lighthoof’s more my type, and Shimmy’d be the better match for my impertinent brother. With all due respect to the latter, Lighthoof exudes a speech and character that speaks more “class.” My brother would be better matched to the “fun-loving” one. Lighthoof: Class, huh? I’ll take that! Shimmy: Wow, we get naked only to be judged on personality? I’m, like, totally thrown for a loop! Doppy: Well…not just yet. NOW! *The girls, startled by Doppy’s shout, immediately back toward each other for protection: just as he’d planned. You leap from behind a pillar with Shimmy’s shirt over your head and you jam it over both girls. Their heads are stuck through the same neck hole of the garment, and the wetness of the shirt leaves their good bits visible from both sides. They’re stuck: back to back.* Shimmy: Like, what is this!? Lighthoof: What kind of fabric is this!? *Doppy puts on his trunks - as do you - and he walks over to read the shirt tag.* Doppy: Polyester, huh? Good choice! It’s tough to rip! Oh, what’s this? Who left these bikinis here? Looks like I’ll have to take them to the lost and found stand! Lighthoof: Nooooo! Why!? Doppy: Looks like you’re not as air-headed as I thought you were. Is it any coincidence that steakhouse has multiple reports of men who claim that two familiar looking ladies left them a run up dinner bill? Haven’t you heard of restaurant reviews? Much less, dating app reviews? Shimmy: B-but, I really like porterhouse steak… Lighthoof: Like, totally, well, not totally medium-rare… *You’re dumbfounded at Doppy’s detective work as well as his intolerance for “dine n’ dashers.”* Lighthoof: I don’t suppose we could, like, settle this over a second date right now? Shimmy: Y-yeah! A double date too, right? Doppy: We’ll be taking a rain check on that one. Besides, you ladies have to settle the tab with your previous dates first. Lighthoof and Shimmy: What!? Doppy: I took the liberty to contact anyone who took you ladies out on that steakhouse dinner date, and they’re due to meet you both under the boardwalk pier in about ten minutes. I think you’re both perfectly dressed for the occasion, and what better appetizer than some tube steak? But otherwise? It’s a date! See you later, ladies! *Doppy chuckles as he walks away with their bikinis in hand. You follow behind him, looking behind yourself to see if the cheerleader duo are attempting a chase. They’re not. Their awkward attempts at coordinated crab-walking result in them falling over in the sand.* You: Are…they going to be okay? Doppy: I’ve heard from the football players at Crystal Prep how crazy those two get in any winning teams’ guys’ locker room. Trust me when I say that this isn’t their first team sport! You: Were you serious about that whole second date - double date thing? Doppy: Maybe? Let’s cross that bridge when we get there. I’ll call you. You: S-sure. *You’re back at the smoothie stand, and Doppy’s already holding out another pair of Piña Coladas.* Doppy: To our new circumstantial alliance! You: I get the feeling that I don’t have much of a choice, do I? Doppy: You do…but you don’t if you’re the good boy that I think you are. You: I hate your cryptic answers. Doppy: And that’s why you love me, haha!